And so it goes, the round-about.
You, me, her, him, us, we,
Freedom, slavery, threats.
I won’t leave him! I won’t leave her!
The hell with you!
You are not the master of me!
It ain’t pretty.
But it is a rush,
A drug, waiting to kick in,
A tug-of-war between
Lovers who hate each other.
At least one of them, anyway.
And I burn.
In the lies, the betrayals,
The other hands and lips,
And it’s like ripping off my skin.
And liking it.
I’m playing with fire,
And you are not playing with me.
I want out, then.
Because I can’t stand
The immensity of a love like this.
I don’t know what to with it,
How to deal with it, surrender to it.
No. Surrender, never. I will never give in to it.
I ‘ll shatter my heart first. Drive it
To its knees, mangle it, with him, with her, with them,
Until you go away and let me be,
Alone with my hurt and your memories
And the love I will never stop feeling.
For you. Of all people.
Yet I wasn’t made for pretty loving.
It weakens, softens, cripples me,
So this fluke most stop, immediately.
Those words, your honey words,
Most sizzle into nothingness, all the niceness
And kindness gone with you,
For they itch; they wrap around
My neck and suck the rancid air
I know how to breathe.
I don’t need a good guy.
No nice lad, fine bloke, I don’t want one.
I only know about swears and slaps,
Of bitches and fucks and whores,
And you are like a kid’s sugary drink:
Way to sweet for my acidity.
So, unless you are prepared to burn
In the anger and the pain,
Please, go away. Now. Just walk,
Not looking back. Allow me
To be my darkness by
Removing from me your light.
I’m asking nicely. Do it.
Or I’ll brake you.
I’ll stomp you, crush you, make you cry.
I can, I will, I’ve been there and done that.
Therefore, take your goodness back
And pack it in your suitcase.
And jump, with your unicorns and rainbows,
To the other side of the fence.