Let’s be honest:
You and I know I’m not going to make it.
We play our games, dance our dance.
We say our “oms” and do our therapy.
We make plans for the future,
And if we were true, after looking at
Them, we would laugh and laugh.
But we pretend.
It’s the right thing to do.
It shows I fought until the end
And you stood there, by me.
But you know, and I know,
That one day you’ll lower your guard,
And I’ll take that moment to escape,
Away from you, away from the child,
Away from love, away from life.
You know it and I know it.
You don’t know the when or the how.
I just don’t know the when.
The how I have rehearsed so much
In my head, that sometimes it feels
I’ve already done it.
Hence you give me my pills and I take them.
And you love me and I love you back.
And we tease the child and play with
The dog and the rat, and for a moment
We are real, normal, common enough
to almost, for a moment, forget.
But you know it and I know it.
You cannot save me.
Not one can save me from myself.