Hold me tender, in the night,
As I shake and wipe away the tear,
And dream and dream
Of razors sliding by my wrists,
Dying my skin red.
And I hate myself.
Hate every breath I take,
Every waking moment.
I hate my fear, and my weakness,
I hate that I called you,
I hate that you came,
I hate that you sit, silently, caressing my hair,
As the albatross trapped in my chest shrieks,
Stomping its body against my rib cage.
Anxiety attack, the doctor calls it,
As if it didn’t have name. As if it wasn’t called Ralph.
And Ralph and I hate each other with all our might,
He, blaming me as his jailer, I, calling
Him my invader. And he stomps and bites,
Trying to stretch his wings, taking away the air
That makes me live, which I guess it’s alright,
For I want to die, stop this pain, this madness.
And it hurts. It hurts like hell, like the agonizing
Fear crippling me into a ball,
At the corner of the room.
There are monsters under my bed,
dragons inside my eye lids.
The world it’s like the wolf’s mouth,
Getting ready to eat me better with.
And Ralph screams and shrieks, wanting to be free
From inside of me, from me, from
This merry-go-round that never stops, ends,
Me being like normal and then falling in the depth
Of a terror born from my soul that I can’t control.
And I hate it, and I hate you and I hate myself,
And I’ll hate it more if you left, and I hate you
Because you stay. And I hit you, I spit you, wet
You with my tears, hold you tight as the
Titanic in me sinks, and dragons roar and Ralph kicks,
And the wolf bites me and I
Don’t think I can make it, shake it, I shake
Like crazy, and whilst my brain bobbles
I forget who I am. And you are here.
Holding me tenderly in the night.